


Escape

by Kattwyllie



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, F/F, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:47:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26331379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kattwyllie/pseuds/Kattwyllie
Summary: Casey takes shining to a bartender in a bar she'd never thought she'd step foot in.
Relationships: Casey Novak & You, Casey Novak/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

Casey wasn’t normally one to frequent bars like this, she much preferred the classiness of hotel bars, the expensive scotch, the regality of the other customers, the way that no one was a regular, everyone was always on their way in or out of somewhere. But today, today, she had had the worst of days, a case completely destroying her. She wanted to avoid anyone finding her, so she found herself in the bar a few blocks from her apartment in an attempt to disguise herself, low key unimpressed with the surroundings as she settled into the bar stool, tugging out a legal pad and case file.

“Bud’s on special for $3.50, highballs are $4 ’til 9 but I have a feel you’re here for something fancier.” You greeted her with a smirk, hair falling over your shoulder, black tank top and clothes wrapped around your body.

“Uh..yeah..” She half laughed, “What’d’you have for scotch.”

“Johnny red, Johnny black, Talisker, Ballantine’s and Lagavuilin 16.”

“I’ll take the Lagavuilin…double.” You smirked at her reply, 

“Good choice, how do you like it?” 

“Rocks on the side.” She replied as you moved to grab the bottle jumping to grab it from the top shelf. She couldn’t help the soft laugh escaping her lips at the sight, not missing the way you dumped a little extra into her glass.

“You wanna start a tab?” You questioned, taking in the paperwork before her.

“May as well.”

“I’ll need a card…company policy.”

“It’s fine.” She smiled, passing you the Visa, watching the way you grinned as you added the info to your tab sheet, dropping the card and her current bill into a glass.

“Let me know if you need anything Casey,” You smiled across at her, extending a hand, “Amber.”

“Nice to meet you.” She smiled back. You nearly winked at her, moving your way down the bar to another guest that needed your help. 

The night was relatively slow at the wood, you spent most of it making drinks for the servers, but there were two of you behind the bar, meaning you had more than enough time to chat with Casey, making sure her glass was always as full as she needed it to be. You easily fell into small talk, the jokes and laughter flowing between you, she partially assumed it was your work that made you so easy to talk to, the way you flitted between conversation and serving the few other regulars who came up to the bar so seamlessly. You leaned against folded arms on the bar as you gestured to her glass, asking if she wanted a top up, a sparkle in your eyes as you spoke,

“So…scotch…legal pad…you a lawyer Casey?” She laughed as you refilled her drink,

“Is it that obvious?” You shrugged,

“Just takin’ in the clues. We don’t see a lot of legal traffic in the heights. They tend to stick to lower Manhattan.”

“Yeah well..sometimes you’ve just got to escape reality for a bit.”

“I feel you.” You smiled, “So do you help the good guys or the bad guys?”

“Good guys.” She laughed, “White collar crimes, embezzlement, bribery, fraud…” She trailed off, noticing your eyes flit over to the printer.

“Sounds boring.” You smirked, jumping back over to pour back a couple of drinks for one of the servers.

It wasn’t long before your partner bartender made his leave as the bar started to empty, you were still conversing with Casey as you started to tidy up and clean behind the bar. She’d asked if you were a native New Yorker, you replied that you grew up in Florida, much preferring the climate of the upper states, though you hadn’t seen much of the city since getting here. She saw the way your eyes shot away from hers when she asked about family, you paid more than special attention on a sticky spot on the counter while you mumbled something about a dead brother. 

Eventually last call rolled around and you had to hand her the bill, but you were more than quick to scribble your number across the bottom of it. Honestly you were surprised that she’d stayed til the end of the night, it was the middle of the week and she obviously had work to do. She’d surprised herself too, spending far more time talking with you, watching the way you moved with grace behind the bar than time working, which was what she’d been meaning to do. She barely noticed the bar emptying around her, transfixed at the way your eyes would glance up at her from across the bar, sparkle evident as you pretended to be paying attention to what someone else was saying.

Casey smiled brightly, the glint in her eyes meeting yours while she pocketed the paper, you knowing that she would definitely be calling you. You gave her a quick thanks as she passed you back the debit machine, giving her a ‘Get home safe’ warning as she smiled at you before leaving the bar. There was no doubt in her mind that she was going to be back in that bar in the Heights, that she would be calling you less than twelve hours from then. There was something so entirely enticing about you, something that pulled her to you like a moth to the flame, she wasn’t about to let you walk out of her life without ever being seen again.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a wonderfully pleasant surprise when Casey called you the next afternoon, you hadn’t expected her to call so quickly, and were thrilled as you made plans for Friday afternoon. The phone call that had been intended to be a quick one ended up lasting over an hour, laughing and joking with each other easier than you’d bonded with anyone in years. You eventually had to hang up, having to get ready for work, but the smile stayed on your face throughout the evening, a server joking about the dreamy look on your eyes as you made drinks.

Friday afternoon rolled around and you found yourself strolling through Little Italy enjoying little scoops of gelato from a place highly recommended by Casey. 

“How is it you’ve been in New York nearly a year and seen basically none of it?” She laughed in question at your mentioning never having been to Time’s Square.

“Ehh…work keeps me busy. Not to mention it’s late hours, I end up wasting my mornings sleeping and before I know it, it’s time to go in. Besides, unfair judgement, you’ve been here your whole life.”

“Hey, I spent three years in Massachusetts.”

“Oooo. A Harvard educated lawyer. How fancy.” You joked, bumping your shoulder into her playfully, “So, what does a hot shot like you do in her free time in the city?” She pondered for a moment, truthfully she spent too much time working, chasing down judges and detectives far too late in the day, not a lot of friends outside the workplace to turn to.

“Batting cages honestly.”

“Baseball? Really?”

“You play?” She asked, resulting in a snort of a laugh coming from you.

“I try.” You took a pause, staring down into your gelato, “My brother used to play…”

“What happened to him?” The question was softly spoken, her eyes even softer when you glanced up at her, tears glimmering in your eyes.

“Boating accident.” You sighed heavily, “Boys weekend in Daytona gone wrong, wasn’t wearing his life jacket. Took the coast guard two weeks to find his body.”

“I’m sorry.” Her free hand reached out to squeeze yours gently, you gave her a tight smile. “How old was he?”

“Twenty three. It was only two years ago, kinda broke apart the family. I couldn’t handle how much my parents were fighting anymore, figured I’d get away, move up here and start over.”

“Is it working?”

“So far? Yeah…I mean what does Florida have to offer aside from gators, theme parks and elderly republicans?” 

“Constant warm weather?” You laughed over a scoop of gelato at that, glancing over to Casey, mirroring her frozen movements at the look she gave you, “Hang on, you’ve got..” Her thumb quickly shot out, swiping the smear of sweetness off the corner of your lips before she sucked it into her mouth, you flushed at the intimacy of the moment, “Mmm…you were right about the butter pecan, that’s delicious.” You let out another laugh, 

“Well you’re not getting anymore of it.” A sparkle in your eye while you were quick to finish the cup, giggling as you tossed it into a nearby garbage can.

“I can think of a way I can still get a taste…” She smirked over at you, you felt your breath hitch at the comment, both of you having paused, moving to the side of the sidewalk. Casey waited for a moment of hesitancy, taking in the way your eyes darted to her lips, the way your tongue wet your own before she raised her hand to your cheek, pulling you close to her. It was brief, it was soft, but it was more intimate and loving that you could ever imagine. Her lips were fucking heavenly against yours, her thumb trailing across your cheek, the other hand wrapping around your back as yours wrapped around her neck. “Sorry if that was—“

“No.” You were quick to cut in, “That was…perfect.” You gave her a soft smile, another adorable giggle escaping your lips before you pecked at her lips again, fingers interlocking between hers, “Tell me more about New York.”

And just like that, you began to fall for each other…harder than either of you had expected. Traipsing through the streets of New York Casey and you spent nearly all of your free time together, sometimes it was tourist traps, sometimes it was somewhere that she held close to her heart, a special place she loved. You were thankful for not only a well educated tour guide, but someone who was willing to share places that she found so close to her heart. You explored the stereotypical places like the Brooklyn Bridge and Statue of Liberty, where you were more than quick to take an adorable selfie of the two of you laughing in each others arms, and another one of you softly kissing her. Other times she’d tell you to meet her at some off the track pub or restaurant you’d never heard of that was home of the greatest calamari you’d ever had, and you were just as grateful for that. You didn’t have a lot of time for each other, considering your schedules were nearly 100% opposite, but you spent a lot of time texting, filling in the gaps when you didn’t get to see each other.

To say you were head over heels for Casey Novak was a fucking understatement.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey baby!” You greeted, a bright smile on your face as you grabbed the bottle of Lagavuilin down from the shelf, “Didn’t expect to see you tonight.”

“Shitty trial…didn’t want to be alone.” She replied, your face fell at the downtrodden feel she gave off. 

“You okay?” Your voice was softer, your hand squeezing hers while you dumped much more than a double into her glass.

“Yeah.” She looked up at you, small smile on her face that you reciprocated. “S’long as your here.” Your heart warmed at the statement, you’d spent a fair amount of time together already, you knew you meant a lot to each other.

Casey was quick to relocate her frequented bar to yours, always taking the stool at the corner of the bar as hers as long as you were working, most of your time together was brief. Either she would stop in for a quick drink while you were working, or you grabbed coffee during the middle of her work day, despite the original kiss (and a multiple smattering of others spread through your time together) you had yet to spend a night together, conflicting schedules in the way. Not that any of that stopped the emotion flowing through you, you knew it was risky, wasn’t ideal to fall for someone so quickly, but there was something about her that just tugged you down that rabbit hole faster than you could imagine.

“You make me weak, y’know that?” You muttered, grabbing a basket from the back of the bar, “Chicken bite? I’m not gonna finish them.” She smiled at the sentiment as you dropped the basket in front of her, quickly dashing off to help make drinks for the servers. It was Friday night and the bar was packed, she knew before she showed up that you’d be busy, but something about the way you sought out her eyes every free moment you had made her feel better, the small smirk on your lips warming her. 

It was just past 11 pm when you disappeared into the back, processing that afternoon’s cash out before the evening bartender had taken over. The night had slowed down, there wasn’t a need for three of you behind the wood any longer. When you reappeared your hair was loose, your regular black attire replaced with a soft purple tank, bag thrown over your shoulder, you gave Casey a wicked grin as you approached her.

“You done?” She questioned, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah, I start early on Fridays, first cut.” The remaining bartender slid a round of shots and a drink towards you as you rolled your eyes, you’d already done a couple shots with Casey throughout the night. You called out a quick thanks as the two of you sunk the shots back, it was when you were finally done your drink that Casey turned to you, a gleam in her eye.

“Any chance you wanna get out of here?”

“Thought you’d never ask….” You replied, laughing at how fast she was to settle her bill. Since her apartment was only a short walk away, you ended up back there rather quickly, her hand linked in yours, pausing to kiss you sweet lips at every red light the two of you encountered.

It wasn’t a night surrounded by burning passion, a night that moved fast and quick, with barely a moment to think. It was a night surrounded by emotion, softness, the little whimpers escaping either of your lips as you made your way through Casey’s apartment, more intoxicated with each other than the need to get each other undressed. There wasn’t a reason you’d waited this long before sleeping together, you’d just simply been happy with how incredible you made each feel outside of the bedroom it wasn’t a top tier item to pursue.

Casey slowly tugged off your tank top, her lips briefly leaving yours, eyes full of passion and fire at the sight of your exposed skin. You were quick to pull of her shirt, arms dancing behind you to drop your bra to the floor, it was only a matter of minutes until you were bare before each other.

“You’re so goddamn beautiful.” She murmured as her hands traced down your body, smiling at the way your hips shot up off the bed, your breath gasping as her hand trailed through your folds. A moan of her name escaped your mouth, she sat up, wanting to take in the view of you writhing beneath her while she finger fucked you to oblivion. Her fingers sunk into you, a groan leaving you, your head thrown back into the pillows, relishing in the touch you’d wanted for so long, her touch hitting parts of you that you could barely imagine. She sped up the speed of her hand, letting the heel of her hand press against the sensitivity of your clit in the process. Your walls fluttered around her fingers, voice yelping through the room at the feeling of your orgasm washing over you, panting in satisfaction.

“Fuck…” You breathed, taking a moment to try and gather yourself, rolling your eyes at the sound of Casey chuckling over you. “You’re so fucking perfect.” You muttered, quick enough to flip her over that she giggled before you buried yourself into her pussy. You moaned heavily at how fucking delectable she tasted, the sweetness assaulting your tongue heavier than anything in years, the smell of her making you completely wet and weakened again. Her hips thrust up against your mouth when your lips wrapped around her clit, your fingers beginning their decent into her, causing her to grasp against your hair, a whimper of your name escaping her mouth. You smirked against her, feeling her body shake uncontrollably against you, whines leaving her mouth while she grasped heavily against you. 

Softly, you kissed her thigh, your lips trailing your way up her soft skin, eventually settling against her lips, hands cupping her face, relishing in the smile she had on her lips. A small groan left her as her tongue broke into your mouth, tasting herself against you, you smirked against her, letting her tongue dance against yours as she pulled you tighter to you.

“Can you stay?” She whispered into the quiet room.

“‘Course.” You replied, snuggling deeper against her. You were asleep faster than she’d expected, your breath regulating against her as she curled against you, ecstatic at the feeling of your body against hers. 

***  
The next morning it was the smell of coffee wafting throughout the apartment that roused you from your slumber. As much as you hated the fact that Casey wasn’t next to you, you were at least thankful at the smile she gave you as you moved into the kitchen.

“Smells delicious.” You greeted, pulling her into a kiss.

“I can only take thanks for the coffee, breakfast is ordered in.” She gestured towards the take out containers holding fruit layered pancakes, a hefty amount of syrup accompanying them. 

“Y’know, you’ve gotta be careful Case. Keep shit like this up and I might just fall in love with you.” She laughed at your response, not wanting to admit she was teetering over the edge as she pulled you into a kiss, lips meeting yours with ease. You hummed in satisfaction against her, “Did you eat yet?” Your voice was soft as she shook her head.

“Wanted to wait for you.”

“God you’re going to be the death of me.” You murmured, giving her lips a deep kiss before moving over to the coffee machine, pouring yourself a cup while Casey pulled plates from the cupboard. You spent the rest of the afternoon buried in each others arms on the couch, lips tracing every inch of each others bodies, laughing over stories you told each other. You groaned heavily around 7pm, pushing yourself up against Casey’s body. 

“You okay?” She questioned, hand stroking the side of your face.

“I’ve gotta be at work in an hour.” You tugged her to you, deeply kissing her, hand burying into her hair. “I really….really like you. I hope you know that.” You felt your heart tear apart at the statement, wanting nothing more than to be able to fall completely in love with her. You could feel how much she felt about you already, the emotion more than apparent through your friendship.

“I really like you too…” She trailed off, giving you another kiss, “Amber…I know it hasn’t been long but I really, really care about you. I need you to know that.” You gave a soft giggle before you gave her a soft kiss.

“I know that. But I do have to go.”

“I know.”

“I’ll text you when I’m done?” You gave her one last kiss, eager to feel her lips against yours while you made your way off to the bar. You may have laughed and joked with the regulars and guests throughout the night but the only place your brain could think of was Casey’s lips. The way she made you feel absolutely incredible, the soft smile she gave you, the way she tugged you to her when she needed you. You were weak. You were beyond head over heels. You were completely and totally in love with her and you didn’t know how you were supposed to tell her so early.


	4. Chapter 4

When you came out of the building you had your head down, nose buried in your phone, completely missing Casey.

“Amber!” 

“Jesus!” You jumped, laughing to yourself as you stuffed your phone back in your pocket. “Hey.” You gave her cheek a chaste kiss.

“Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’re coming out a police precinct?” She gestured to the building, quirking a brow.

“Oh.” You gave a small laugh, “Yeah, there was a fight at the bar last night, guy got stabbed in the alley, they just wanted to ask some follow up questions.”

“Okay…” She eyed you carefully, as if to triple check that there wasn’t a mark on you. “You got time for dinner?”

“Yeah.” You smiled, linking her hand in yours, “We’re closed for the weekend after the whole…debacle.” She softly kissed you before the two of you made your way through the street, picking up some take out on the way back to her apartment. 

You fell into a comfortable silence as you picked over spring rolls and noodles, asking Casey a few questions about her week, letting her rant off for a while about defence attorneys and some other legal jargon. You poured hefty glasses of wine before moving over to the couch, settling into a Friday night Friends marathon. Casey’s arm was around you, hand idly playing with your hair as you snuggled into her deeper. A few episodes went by in near silence from either of you before she spoke quietly.

“You sure everything’s okay? You seem quiet.”

“Anniversary’s tomorrow.” You mumbled, burying yourself deeper against her. She kissed your head gently, giving your shoulder a squeeze.

“You really miss him don’t you.” 

“Yeah…”

“Did you want to tell me about him?”

“Don’t really wanna talk about it.” You sighed, she could hear the slight shake in your voice, hugging you tighter.

“If you’re up for it tomorrow I’ve got an idea of how we could honour him.”

“That’d be nice.” God. She was making you absolutely weak, you melted at the thought of having someone who cared that much to care about a person they never even knew. She let you sit in your silence for a few more hours of mindless television before softly linking her hand in yours, leading you to the bedroom. As you climbed into her bed you tugged her to you, appreciating the warmth of her arms wrapping around you, the gentle feeling of her lips on your head as she stroked your back, lulling you into a calming sleep.

True to her word the next day she certainly did have an incredible idea of honouring him, dragging you off to the batting cages with her. Truthfully it ended up with a lot more of you shrieking and trying not to get hit by anything while Casey simply crushed it. You were incredibly thankful to have her by your side that day, and so utterly appreciative of the fact that she’d remembered a simple detail from your first date. There was laughter echoing between you as the two of you left, exiting back to the street.

“Well that was about as disastrous as I expected it would be.” You laughed out.

“It may have, but it did get a smile on your face.”

“It did.” You grabbed her hand, tugging her to you in a very gentle kiss, “Thank you Casey, really. It honestly helped, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She stroked your cheek, lips meeting yours in the worlds softest kiss.

“I love you.” Your breath hitched, eyes first widening in shock and then warming in adoration, lips meeting hers again, smile evident on your lips as you murmured back to her,

“I love you too.”


	5. Chapter 5

Every moment with Casey felt like you were frozen in time, like it was standing still just to give you a few more lingering moments with each other. Nothing was ever rushed, frenzied or frantic, every kiss was long, eloquent, each night you spent buried in each others arms was soothing, calming and intimate. Each little wonder taking you to a whole new plane of passion, of a deeper connection, your love was fearless, full of passion and affection.

Casey couldn’t help but laugh at you grumbling over the cooling weather as the months passed, asking if you missed Florida now. You’d simply laughed and snuggled closer to her, saying that at least now you had an extra excuse for more cuddles. As October rolled into November, Casey gave you a key to her apartment so you could come and go as you please after work, able to crawl into her bed, wrapping your body around her softly. The world fell away when she was with you, you were all she needed, a sparkle of brightness amongst the dark city.

November rolled into December before you knew it, the city was coated in a light sheen of powdery snow, the air colder than before but not a bitter freezing. Casey bundled you up and managed to get you down to Central Park, spending the evening hand in hand, sipping on hot chocolate through the park taking in the sights as Christmas took over the city. She couldn’t help but feel her heart explode with love at the bright smile on your face as you danced through the snow, innocent as a child, catching snow flakes on your tongue. She wondered if this was the first time you’d ever seen snow. She held you close, innocently kissing you, cupping your cheek gently, laying a kiss on tip of your frozen nose. For a moment in time it was as if everything was perfect, all the pieces of her life had fallen perfectly into place, there was no place she’d rather be than in the middle of the park, dancing in the snowflakes with the love of her life.

You were happier than you had been in months, having something aside from work to look forward to during the day. You’d struggled a bit finding your footing in the big city, not many friends to be said for aside from a few of the servers and the regulars that came into your bar. You loved the way that Casey went out of her way to find different dinners that were authentically New York each week, the way she’d pick you up an extra bagel in the morning, the way she’d suffer through tourist traps to make sure you saw the real city. The only thing she couldn’t seem to sell you on was true New York pizza, you simply stated that there was nothing better than a nice thick slice of deep dish. It was basically the only thing you didn’t agree on. Truthfully you were more than okay with the cold, it kept Casey in the apartment more often, more chances to steal kisses, deeply snuggled under fuzzy blankets on the couch, tangling in each others limbs in the bed.

Casey had asked you to spend Christmas with her, which you obviously agreed to immediately. She had asked if you’d been planning on going back to Florida for the holiday, you waved it off saying how your Mom always tried to drag you to Magic Kingdom, and who wanted to do that on its busiest day of the year and eat a hot dog for dinner? Besides, home was wherever she was.

She didn’t have a tree, not being one for decorations, but you showed up one day with a little potted cactus with a star sticker stuck to the top of it, which she found utterly adorable. On the day of, you spent it like any other lazy day with a little bit more festivity flowing through the air. You baked cinnamon rolls in the morning, enjoying the gooey treats for a late breakfast, accompanied with baileys in your coffees as cheesy Christmas movies played in the background.

You insisted on watching at least one of the Home Alone movies, Casey insisted on the original animated Grinch instead of the ‘ridiculous live action one’, and you got into a playful squabble over whether or not Die Hard was a Christmas movie. You’d picked up a couple of “Christmas Dinner For One”s from Whole Foods, baking them for dinner, Casey laughing at you as you picked out all the celery from the stuffing, because ‘why should there be vegetables in my carbs and fat’?

Wine glasses were poured, a plate of Pillsbury sugar cookies with snowman on the coffee table (half of them cooked, half of them still raw, because, those are the rules) you settled back into the couch. Before reaching for the remote to start The Holiday, Casey turned to you, a soft smile on her face.

“I know we said we were going to do gifts, but…I couldn’t resist…”

“Case…” You practically whined, gently taking the small package from her, waiting for her nod of approval before you opened it. You slid out a small golden necklace with a sparkly charm on the end. “A sun?”

“Florida, Sunshine state? And you’re my little ray of sunshine up here in New York.”

“Oooohh my God Casey!” You gave her a warm smile, laughter on your face, “You make me want to vomit in the best way possible. Thank you.” She practically howled at that, she had to admit it was definitely cheesy but she couldn’t resist it when she saw it. You turned your back to her, holding your hair out of the way as you handed it back to her so she could put it on. “I’ll never take it off.” You cupped her cheek with such love she could burst, kissing her gently. “And I broke the rule too.” 

You lunged over the side of the couch where you’d dropped your bag earlier, taking out a box, passing it over to her. She gently pried the lid off, finding mini Mix Tiles of photos of the two of you around all the various places she’d dragged you in an attempt to see the city properly. She flipped through them, a smile on her face at the fond memories, the way you managed to steal her heart right out of her chest in such short time.

“Baby….”

“Thought you should have a little piece of your adventures.” You shrugged. She pulled you into a leisurely kiss.

“I love it. And I love you.”

“I love you too. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas my love.” She placed the box on the coffee table, humming contently as you snuggled up against her. The holiday may have been just a small little piece of your week, but it was full of love, full of light, and full of you, and that was all she needed.


	6. Chapter 6

A few days after Christmas you and Casey had met briefly for a coffee during the middle of her work day. As usual the love and adoration flowed effortlessly around the two of you. You’d been slightly worried when an elderly woman approached the table, assuming she was going to shoot off some homophobic crap but she simply said the two of you were the most adorable thing she’d seen all week and made a stunningly beautiful couple.The little comment made your heart swell, a piece of you falling for Casey even deeper in that moment. She was in the middle of filling you in on some stupid thing a perp had done in her most recent case when your phone rang.

“Mm! Hold on one sec, I’ve got to take this.” She paused in the story, watching as you answered. “Hey.” A pause, “Yeah I can’t really talk right now.” Another brief one, your face scrunched, “What? Why?” A dramatic roll of the eyes, “Fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I get it.” A brief sigh, “Can you email that to me? Thanks.” You huffed, tossing your phone into your bag, “Sorry.” You gave her a soft smile to continue her story, but she noticed the way your eyes seemed unfocussed, could practically feel the wheels spinning in your head.

“Everything okay?”

“What?” You glanced back at her, shaking out of it, shooting her a soft smile, “Yeah, just work…schedule got rearranged for the rest of the week, manager made a few changes.”

“Okay.” She squeezed your hand, you gave her a tight smile before she continued on the interrupted story. Roughly twenty minutes later she’d reached her allotted time for lunch, sighing out that she had to get back to the office. You walked her out of the shop, happy with the feeling of her warm hand in yours, giving her a soft kiss.

“Hey, I’ve uh..gotta sort some shit out with work, I’ll do my best to make it over tonight but I’m not sure if I will, that okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” She was quick to give you another small kiss, her phone beeping in annoyance, “I’ve gotta go. I love you.”

“I love you too.” You gave her cheek a peck and squeezed her hand before she nearly ran off down the street in the opposite direction you were headed. You let out a heavy sigh, the cold air seeming to hit your cheeks harder than it had earlier that day, you shivered lightly, pausing in your spot on the street before deciding what exactly your next move was. You ended up back at your apartment for more than a few hours, texting Casey that, as you’d guessed, you wouldn’t be coming over that night while you sorted through things. She was disgruntled at the fact of not having you in her bed for the next two nights, but you stayed in touch and she was still able to see you at the bar for a quick drink while she worked through a few cases. 

It was New Years Eve before you even knew it, a brand new year on the horizon, a new start, a breath of fresh air wrapping through life. Casey’d asked if you had plans and you’d openly laughed, reminding her that you worked in a bar and would most definitely be required to work, and you weren’t wrong. The place was packed, and your favourite girl was in her usual spot on her favourite stool at the end of the bar, she knew there were probably some fancier places she could have been but the only place she wanted to be was with you. The place was slightly fancied up for the night, a few decorations splattered around the bar, everyone sure to wear a slightly more dressy version of themselves. You were obviously beyond busy, moving behind the bar quickly, pouring drinks and giving fake laughs to the intoxicated guests. Inside the bar you’d always kept Casey at nearly arms length, she wasn’t offended by it, she knew half your job was flirting to make money, and your eyes always shot to her whenever you were waiting for a pint to fill. You came back over to her when her scotch was nearly empty, love in your eyes.

“You really are stickin’ it out for the long one tonight aren’t you?”

“I’ve got nowhere better to be than somewhere with you.” You grinned, playfully rolling your eyes.

“Case, c’mon, it’s already late, you should really head home. I’m probably gonna be here ’til well past four a.m. Isn’t that why you gave me the key?”

“If I’m home how exactly am I going to get my New Year’s kiss?” You gave out a breath of a laugh at that.

“I’ll give you one before you leave…and I’ll be sure to make it up when I get home tonight.” She beamed at the way you called her apartment home. Truthfully, you spent nearly all of your time there, she’d never even been to your apartment, but the sentiment of it was still something she loved.

“Nice try, but you’re not getting rid of me that easy.”

“Oh c’mon. You really wanna spend your night surrounded by these drunk idiots?” You pointedly gestured to the table where a couple were nearly fucking in the booth, “It’s only gonna get worse, get outta here before you have to suffer through something you don’t wanna see.”

“I either leave with you or when someone kicks me out.” She gave your hand a squeeze, you rolling your eyes, grabbing the scotch bottle as you topped up her drink, shooting her a playful smile as you moved back to help another customer.

It was roughly an hour later when the first shot rang out, screams and yells echoing throughout the bar. Thankfully you were close enough to the open end of the bar, close enough to Casey’s stool that you were able to lunge around it, grabbing her as you yelled at her to get down. Unfortunately, it was at the moment you were shielding her from the room that you felt something hit your abdomen, body doubling over, a cry escaping your lips in pain, you dropped against the cooler behind the bar, body dragging down it as you collapsed against the floor in agony.

“Amber! No!” Casey felt her heart absolutely stop, the sight of your blood slowly leaking against the pristine white of your shirt, the way your body shivered, tears barrelling their way into your eyes. She frantically looked for anything to help stop the bleeding, grabbing a cloth from the counter, jumping as a bullet shattered a row of glasses above her. Her hands pressed the cloth against you, you nearly yelped from the pain, your hand closing around her wrist, not missing the tear streaming down her face. “Baby, hold on. Hold on for me, you’re gonna be fine. I promise.”

“N..no…” She could hear your voice gurgling, trying to will herself to keep from bawling like a baby, “Get. Out!” Your free hand pointed to the direction of the back door.

“I’m not leaving you.” You could feel her tears hitting your skin, she could practically feel the pulsating of the blood against her hands while she tried to keep it under control. You clenched your bloody hand even tighter around her, nails practically digging into the skin.

“Th—they’re..mafia…ple..please…you’ll die. C—can’t have that…GO.” She could see the life fading from you with each second that passed, the paling of your skin, the pool of blood around you increasing, the way your eyes couldn’t seem to focus. “I..I love you…” Your hand gave the best squeeze it could of hers, a sob choking her lips, she could barely hear the continuing shots over the blood pumping through her brain. “G—GO. Please!” She stifled a cry over her hand, leaning down to kiss you, hand cupping at your cheek. 

“P-please..please baby…hold on. I love you sunshine.” Your eyes blurring with tears, a shuddering breath escaped your lungs, wincing at the pain, your hand shoving against her, pushing her towards the back entrance, the only way she’d be able to get out safe. Your eyes began fluttering, she could barely see your chest moving at this point, there was no way she was going to be able to get your dead weight out of the bar, much less to a safe location while trying to continue first aid. A wracked sob left her lips, hands shooting to her mouth as she backed away, your barely conscious form muttering a soft ‘Go’ to her, how on earth was she supposed to leave the love of her life to bleed out on the dirty floor of a dive bar. Another round of shots rung out through the room, a bottle shattering near her head, she muttered out an ‘I love you’ before very reluctantly racing down the hall.

It took nearly six blocks before she’d even realized she’d made it that far, she was so far she’d passed her apartment already, tears streaming heavily down her face, her hands covered in your blood it was a wonder no one stopped her or called the cops. When her brain finally started to return to normal she realized she needed to call someone, sure there was a high chance someone else heard the shots but she needed to try to save you, hope there was some doctor out there that could keep you alive. She struggled with even breathing, a terrified and shaky hand pulling out her cellphone, telling the 911 operator there were shots fired, multiple busses needed, that a bartender was down, and to do everything they could to make it there quickly.

She stumbled her way back to her apartment, barely able to wash the blood off her hands, how could she if it was the last piece of you she happened to have? Another wave of sobs took over her as she saw the pictures you’d given her for Christmas, how was she supposed to let go of you? How was she supposed to wait alone and unknowing in her apartment as you were dragged away by paramedics? Or worse? She’d finally found the light in her life only to have you torn completely away from her, how was any of that deemed to be fair? She sobbed for what seemed like hours, starting to call local hospitals a few hours later, but of course your name wouldn’t come up, you wouldn’t have had ID on your person, you’d been at work. She’d asked about any Jane Does, but a few had been unable to properly give her information, there was still a small chance you’d been able to hold on, but that cold look in your eyes terrified her.

Casey was barely able to drag herself out of bed the next morning, her eyes red from crying and puffy from barely sleeping. She’d continued to hassle hospital staff in an attempt to find you, once she’d deemed it safe she’d tried to reach your phone, over and over again. At first it rang and rang and rang, her heart jumping every time she heard your voice on the message, until it didn’t, clearly dead, going straight to voicemail. She eventually realized she needed to eat, ordering some very uncharacteristically deep dish pizza, when she answered the door for that she found that morning’s New York Time’s outside her apartment. There was so much of her that didn’t even want to open the paper, but the other half was dying to know, she’d barely got a bite into the pizza when she flipped it open, the shooting was the first page case. There wasn’t much information, but when the article continued on page 24, there was your name, listed as a bartender, a simple innocent bystander that was slain in the attack.

She felt a whole new wave of grief overcoming her, she’d been holding onto this little sliver of hope that you’d somehow survived, that someone had found you, that the shooting stopped right away and the paramedics had gotten to you. She’d spent the night praying that you’d been pulled into an ambulance and resuscitated on your way to the hospital.

But none of that was true. 

You were gone, you were really gone. 

Her only little ray of sunshine in a dark city reduced to nothing. 

She felt completely broken, unable to move, unable to speak, she reached a point where she was unable to cry. She’d never expected a person to affect her this much, to have come into her life and sweep her off her feet with the ease that you did. She tried to drown her sorrows in a bottle of your favourite wine you’d left at the apartment, calling your phone simply to hear your voice one last time until her own phone died. She pulled up your favourite tv show, wrapping a blanket around her on the couch in an attempt to distract herself, ending up in tears all over again because she couldn’t feel the warmth of your body against her, that the last time she felt your body you’d been so cold.

To say Casey Novak was absolutely devastated was a complete fucking understatement.


	7. Chapter 7

Casey ended up taking over a week off work, still unable to process the entire thing, you still had stuff scattered across her apartment and fuck if she knew what to do with it. She wanted to keep them forever, little mementos of your life together, while at the same time she wanted to toss them out in a heartbeat, a feeble attempt at moving on, not having the constant reminder of you everywhere. In the end she packed most of them up into a box, tucking it in the back of her closet, she did keep the Cubs baseball tee you seemed to love so much for, she figured it was a memento of your brother’s, and figured something like that deserved to live on. Her heart ached for your parents at the thought, having to have lost both their children, and at such young ages, the thought broke her even more. In the end she ended up burying herself into work, taking on what was probably way too many cases, trying to find a way to distract herself. It felt like she wasn’t doing enough, like she needed to do more, do more meaningful work that crappy cases like embezzlement. The lack of you in her life left her with no spark, no warmth in the middle of a cold winter night, and she absolutely despised it.

*

“Hey kid, glad to have you back. Sorry we had to pull you out.” The grovel of a voice rung through his office, a small smile on his face.

“Eh, I know it wasn’t you.” You replied, “You’re only doing what the bosses tell you.”

“They caught wind it was too dangerous to keep you under anymore, couldn’t fight with them if I tried. You okay?”

“Yeah.” You tugged up the side of your shirt, “Rubber bullet still hurt like hell though, you couldn’t have told Dawson to aim a little off?” Hank laughed at that, 

“Don’t think I didn’t hear about that cracked rib, you’re on desk duty ’til it’s healed.” You groaned at that,

“Oh c’mon, it’s been nearly two years, I need to shoot something.” He chuckled,

“I’ll take ya to the range this weekend, we can catch up.” He tugged open a drawer of his desk, retrieving your gun and badge from it, passing it to you, “Welcome back to Chicago Y/N.”

“Thanks Voight.”

“You sure you’re okay kid?” He noticed the emptiness in your eyes, you cursed him for being so attentive and cautious with his team, but you understood why he was the way he was, and you appreciated him for it. 

“Yeah.” You gave him a tight smile, “Just…weird to be home..gotta adjust to a new life again.”

“Well get outta here, I know there’s some people dying to see ya.”

“Thanks. You tell ‘em I was back?” 

“Yeah, ‘course.” You gave your Sergeant a warm smile before moving from the room, briefly stopping at your desk, thankful your real phone was still plugged into the monitor. You didn’t bother scrolling through the insane amount of notifications, opening your message app to text your parter Hailey, who promptly freaked out over the fact that you were actually back. It may have only been 2pm, but she was off today and more than willing to meet you for a drink after your extended ‘vacation’. 

Before you knew it you were thrust back into your life at Chicago P.D., Hailey nearly tackling you under the twinkly lights of Molly’s, more than excited and happy to have her friend and partner back. Chris was more than quick to bring over your usual and an extra two rounds of shots that you openly groaned at, he simply laughed that it was 5’o’clock somewhere and moved from the table, smirk on his face. You fell into an easy conversation with Hailey as she asked you about your time undercover, more importantly about the case, you rolled your eyes again over the fact of being pulled out before you’d been able to break it, but things were getting dicey and you couldn’t exactly risk it. It was when she asked about your non work time in New York that you faltered, unable to place together anything before she could see the sadness wash across your face in the briefest of flashes.

“What?” She asked, sinking back another swig of beer.

“What, what?” You shot back, a familiar smirk across your lips as you sucked back your drink.

“You were living a different life for like, two years in a different city, you can’t tell me you didn’t meet new people.” You gave out a sigh, relaying to the server that you did in fact want another round, especially if you were going to get into this now.

“I did..I mean…most of it was work people, regulars at the bar, people I had to dig into more than hangout with…”

“But?” She gave you a teasing grin.

“One night someone new popped up at the bar. I made her for a lawyer right away…started out as me trying to figure out if she was working for the mob or not, I mean, what was someone like her doing in the Heights?”

“Was she?”

“No! She worked for white collar crimes, like, how boring is that?” You laughed, “I did a bit of research on her to double check things, but she was completely clean, only stumbled into the bar ‘cause it was close to her apartment.”

“Aanndd?” Hailey raised an eyebrow at you, you shook your head at her.

“We became friends. She grew up in New York, she knew all the hot spots and the secret spots, played tour guide for me.”

“Yeah I’ll bet she knew all the hot spots.”

“Hailey!” You hucked a lime across the small table at her.

“So you’re telling me you just, hung out with her innocently?” She smirked across at you, being able to read the expression on your face, “You can’t possibly tell me that you’re this much of a mess over someone who was a _friend._ ” You let out a heavy sigh, 

“I…she was there when the shooting happened.” Hailey’s eyes widened, “I begged her to get out of there, pleaded that she leave but she wouldn’t listen..”

“Oh fuck…is she…?” She didn’t want to finish the question, knowing you were alive and safe, knowing you clearly cared for this woman.

“She’s fine.” You gave out a huff, “I knew the bust was coming, I tried to innocently get her out, but…as far as she knows..I bled out on the floor…and she basically watched me do it…”

“Oh fuck…”

“Yeah..” You could feel the tears burning their way into your eyes, your hand absentmindedly coming to play with the sun necklace against your skin. You’d tried to reason with Voight to let you stay in New York another day, let you reach out to her via a phone call, but with the mafia involved it was way too dangerous, and his bosses had wanted you in Witness Protection originally. They’d only agreed being okay with you returning to Chicago because the case had moved its way fully to New York now, and you could alter your appearance enough to stay hidden, and that you had a life in the city already. You had started to plead before you realized that this could affect Casey too, especially since she was at the bar during the shootout, if anyone so much as thought she knew something she could be in serious danger, and that was the last thing you wanted.

“You fell for her…” Hailey’s voice broke through your thoughts, head shaking before your eyes met hers, quickly down casting away from her gaze. 

“I..fuck…yeah, yeah I really did. And I can’t even let her know I’m alive…” You were quick to shoot back the alcohol that she shoved your way, doubling your shot intake for that hour. Thankfully the topic of Casey left the table soon after, Hailey could see that you were hurting and didn’t want to bring you anymore pain when she didn’t need to. It was a few hours later when Chris came around, asking if his favourite detectives needed another round that you politely declined. Hailey gave you a tight hug, a soft kiss on the cheek, saying she was more than happy that you were back, ensuring you that you should really get home. You thanked her for the catch up, quick to head back to your car, a heavy and shaky sigh escaping your lips before you were able to turn the vehicle on, headed towards the place you called home before your life got completely uprooted.


	8. Chapter 8

When you finally got home twenty minutes later, you shut the front door, dropping your head against it, a groan escaping your lips. You had your gun and badge back but still felt like you didn’t really know who you were. Sighing heavily, you tugged the small suitcase down the hall, tossing the few undercover clothes you liked to keep into the washer, leaving the suitcase splayed in the room, grabbing a few things while you traipsed up the stairs. The shitty New York apartment certainly didn’t have water pressure like you did, and you were more than ready for a hot relaxing shower that your home could give. You easily spent over an hour in the room, your phone echoing a chill playlist through the room, one loud enough to be heard throughout the house and over the stream of the shower.

When you emerged you did your best to towel dry your hair, fingers untangling it as you tugged on an old Cubs shirt and pair of pyjama shorts before powering through your skin care routine. You gave a soft sigh, pausing the playlist, tucking the phone in the waist band of your shorts, making your way down to the kitchen. Screw your drinks with Hailey earlier, you knew you needed another one before you’d be able to fall asleep in this new/old life you’d always loved. You dumped probably too much scotch into your glass, padding your way through the house, not surprised when you found the light in the office on.

“There she is.” The oh so familiar voice greeted, an incredibly warm smile looking up at you, “Voight called. I missed you sweetheart.”

“I missed you too.” You moved through the room, placing the glass of scotch on Peter’s desk, climbing into his lap, body curling against his chest, head tucking against his shoulder. His arms tightly wound around you, lips meeting your hair as he stroked a hand on your back. 

“You okay?” He asked softly, his demeanour constantly softening you, he was always so understanding and intuitive it made you weak. 

“I fucked up…” You face buried into his chest, he could feel your body nearly shake against him.

“For what?” He tried to keep the matter light, “Voight said everything was by the book, they only pulled you out ‘cause it were too unsafe.” You took a shuddering breath, your hand grasping his shoulder, pulling your eyes up to finally face him.

“No…the free pass deal we made…” His hand stroked your cheek gently, making your resolve weaken even more at the gentleness.

“Sweetheart, if you slept with more than one person I won’t be mad.” You brows furrowed slightly at that, giving him a hard look. 

“Did..you?”

“No.” Peter gave your lips a gentle kiss that you could barely keep yourself from whimpering at, your body magnetized toward his, “And if you did I won’t be mad, we had a deal.” You gave a sniffle of a sigh, 

“Pete…I took my free pass but I…I fell in love with her..” You could barely meet his eyes, wavering at the way his hand caressed your cheek, the way it trailed down your arm, settling on your left hand.

“You’re…wearing your ring?” He softly questioned you, not wanting to push to hard, knowing that you were hurting.

“Because I still love you…more than anything. I made a vow to you and I swear, I’m never going to break it Pete…” You laid a soft kiss against his lips, “You’re my husband, I’ll always love you. I…I just didn’t realize that you could love more than one person with your entire fucking heart…I..I guess I understand the whole polyamorous thing now.” You buried into his neck, “I’m so sorry…” Peter simply smiled his lips meeting your forehead, his arms tightening around you, giving you a soft squeeze.

“It’s okay.” He kissed your head gently, “Why don’t you tell me about her.”

“You sure?” 

“Yeah.” He tugged you tighter into his lap, sturdy arm wrapping around your hip.

“She’s..tall, blonde…lawyer who plays baseball…” He outwardly laughed at that, 

“Looks like you’re got a very strangely specific type my love.” You gave a sad snort to him, pulling out your phone. You’d destroyed the burner before leaving New York but couldn’t bare to part with the memories, saving screenshots of texts and all the pictures, “She showed me around the city, helped me explore, became my little home away from home.” You handed the device to him to swipe through the photos.

“Oh wow…she’s stunning. Good job baby.” You swatted at his arm, scoffing.

“Pete…”

“She got you to a batting cage? You must really love her.” 

“Yeah…”You murmured, hand toying with the sun necklace, “You would’ve gotten along really well.”

“She get that for you?”

“Yeah…some adorable thing about how I’m her little sunshine state of New York.”

“That is sickeningly sweet.” He gave you a little nudge as he noticed your eyes glaze over, lost in hopeless memories. “Why don’t you call her? Get her to come out here?”

“And say what?!” You baffled, “Hi, surprise! I’m back from the dead, wanna move to Chicago and live with me and my husband who I didn’t bother to mention?!” Groaning, you dropped your forehead onto his shoulder, “She doesn’t even know my real name.”

“You didn’t break your cover for her?”

“No. She watched me die, walked away from that crime scene covered in my fake blood.”

“You must’ve given one hell of a performance.”

“Yeah well I was in a hell of a lot of pain, Antonio was so close when he fired the bullet nearly broke my rib.”

“I’ll make sure to give him shit for it.” There was a brief pause as you let out a hefty sigh, silently playing with Peter’s hand in your own. You looked up at him, face full of worry, eyes rimmed with tears, quiet voice shaking through the room.

“Do you hate me?” You asked, slightly terrified that he would, that you’d end up losing both of the people you loved so much over your fault.

“No. I could never.” He gave your lips a gentle kiss, holding you against him for a moment, “I love you. I always will. I just ask that you keep this communication open okay?” You gave him a confused look, “I want you to keep me updated, let me know if you start falling out of love with me, don’t just walk away out of the blue, please.” Your heart swelled and broke at the same time, kissing his cheek gently.

“I promise.” You sunk deeper against him, “I don’t deserve you…”

“Sure you do.” He tilted your chin up, making sure you could see the love in his eyes, “And you deserve every ounce of love that you get. You were alone and completely isolated 800 miles away in a strange city, I understand.” Your tired and emotionally drained brain couldn’t figure out the right words to tell your husband just how much you appreciated how kind and welcoming he was, so you settled for the easiest ones with the most weight behind them.

“I love you.” Laying your head down on his shoulder, you sat quietly for a while, simply enjoying each others warm embrace after so long of not even being able to talk to each other. You truly felt horrible about the entire situation, on both sides, usually having a free pass on undercover missions was fine, you were able to set the boundary, but Casey…that was something entirely different. You’d been so utterly conflicted when she told you she loved you for the first time you’d almost disclosed, telling her everything, but you hadn’t heard those words in so long and you realized you loved her too, and you were done for. That last night, you’d partially been trying to get her out of the bar for her own safety, but more so so she wouldn’t have to watch you die, simply hear about it on the news, giving you a clean break back to Chicago. But no. She’d watched in horror as you struggled to keep it together, at least you’d been able to tell her you loved her one last time.


	9. Chapter 9

As the next couple of months passed, things ever so slowly started to get back to normal. You were back to work right away, kicking ass alongside Hailey and the rest of Intelligence, even more thankful when Hank lifted your desk duty earlier than he said he would. You did your best not to be distant from Peter, knowing that he really did care for you, he let you grieve, always making sure to be by your side when you needed him. 

You’d spent practically the whole first two weeks you were back tossing out little apologies constantly, accompanied by a small kiss somewhere on his body. He’d always smile, reminding you that he understood, and knew you were having a rough time. He wanted to make sure you felt supported, make sure you knew you weren’t alone, even though there were moments you felt completely empty inside. As promised, you kept the conversations open and flowing over the matter, you shared stories of your time in New York with him, stories about Casey, amazed as always at the way he wasn’t seething with jealousy over the entire matter. 

Tonight you’d joined him in his office, having picked up Chinese on the way over after a long day of work, he was rattling on about some case Jay and Antonio were chasing. Originally you’d been listening, trying to unscramble some wires for him, but he’d lost you somewhere around the mention of Jay walking the suspect in alone. 

“Y/N?” His voice softly broke into your daydreams. You shook out of it, eyes returning to his.

“Sorry.” You mumbled, ashamed of him catching you. “I just..never mind..it’s nothing.” He placed his container back on the desk, attention fully on you now.

“What’d we say?” You sighed lightly.

“Tomorrow’s her birthday…I would’ve done something if I wasn’t, ya’know…dead.”

“Have you ever thought about anonymously sending her something? Something more generic that she won’t be able to tie back to you?”

“I—no…that’s..an idea…”

“You wanna get outta here? I can finish this later.”

“I..” You looked across at him, a hesitant expression on your face, “You’re gonna think I’m crazy…”

“Sweetheart you work for Intelligence, you’ve got to be a little crazy.” You hucked a fortune cookie at him, he was relieved to see a genuine smile on your face.

“Can we go to the batting cages?” That took him by surprise, first confusion took over his face, then it formed into a smirk.

“Yeah, ‘course we can.” 

The two of you packed up the take out, Peter packed up his work stuff to take home, and you headed off hand in hand. You were so incredibly thankful for how accommodating he had been over the last few months. The night ended in smiles, laughter between the two of you, you were starting to feel like yourself again, though this version of yourself was still evolved, still growing and adapting trying to figure everything out.

**

It was nearly eight months later, you and Hailey had just wrapped a case, back in the squad room while you finished up paperwork. You were joking back and fourth while you filled in the files when Voight’s head popped out of his office.

“Upton, Stone, need you in here.” You glanced between each other quickly, worried he was annoyed the files were taking to long before following him into the office, shutting the door.

“The Deluca Mafia case you were working on?”

“What about it? They think I’m dead, I can’t go back under.” 

“We don’t need that. I just got a call from Captain Benson at SVU, they managed to crack it.”

“Okay…”

“They need your help filling in the blanks, and your testimonies. They’re expecting you tomorrow morning.”

“In New York?” Hailey asked.

“Yup. Pack your bags,” He half turned to you, “And take Pete with you, we need to extradite Connors and Mandel back to Chicago once they’re done with them.”

“How long are we going for?”

“Til the trial’s over. Now get going!” 

Scurrying from the office you both dug through your desks, finding the old case files and headed out the door. You were slightly nervous about this, you’d never worked with Special Victims before, much less in New York, not to mention you were about to testify in a Mafia loaded case. You hoped their squad had managed to actually track down everyone they needed, you’d hate to take the stand and then end up _actually_ dead, getting hit with a rubber bullet was painful enough.


	10. Chapter 10

Hank ended up booking the three of you on a flight out that night, giving you time to check into a hotel and actually get some rest before heading down to the 16th precinct the next morning. Olivia Benson was quick to welcome you, introducing you to the squad, you could have sworn you caught her eyes lingering on you a few times while you were working out the holes in the case. Throughout the morning SVU ended up catching a couple more cases, detectives scattering from the precinct, leaving your Chicago team alone with Olivia in the bull pen. You were standing beside the desk Hailey was perched on, deeply engrossed in a case file SVU had.

That was when she walked in, freezing at the sight in front of her, she felt her brows furrow, a sense of confusion flying through her brain. It was you. It had to be you. But you looked completely different. Your hair was dyed back to it’s natural colour, pulled back in a chignon, your make up was softer, more neutral than the thick liner and lashes you wore at the bar. You’d swapped your leggings and casual t-shirts for a very well tailored navy pantsuit, heels on your feet, your entire demeanour seemed to have changed. She barely heard it when Benson called across the room to her, heart hammering in her chest.

“Casey!” Your heart shot into your chest, the three heads in the room all turned towards the entry way. “Meet Detective Upton, Detective Stone and A.S.A. Stone.” She gestured over to Casey, “Our A.D.A Casey Novak.”

“Amber..?” Casey felt like she couldn’t even hear her own voice in her head, a million thoughts racing through it in each second. There was a moment of small silence as you took each other in, tears forming in your eyes.

“It’s —uh…actually Y/N…”

“Ohohoo…” The quiet laugh came from Hailey, you couldn’t even bother to shoot her a glare, unable to tear your eyes away from Casey.

“I thought you were white collar?”

“And I thought you were _dead!_ ” She shot back, as she came back to life she took in the scene in the room. The body language between you and Peter, that two of the names were the same, and most importantly, the diamond ring on your finger. “A word… _detective?_ ”

“Uh—“ You glanced between the other bodies in the room, thankful more than ever now that you’d been so open with Peter, “Yeah…” Handing the folder to Hailey you followed her into a conference room, shutting the door behind you. You felt your heart pounding in your chest, palms already clammy as they wrung against each other.

“I don’t even know where to start!” Casey couldn’t wrap her head around any of the facts, and of the things that she was attempting to process at the same time. She’d been aching for you for months, her life empty, bed cold and heart shattering all over again when she caught herself daydreaming over the memories. “I watched you die!”

“Rubber bullet…fake blood…” You murmured, “Guy that shot me was another U.C.”

“You were under that whole time?” You gave a meek nod, unable to meet her eyes at the strain in her voice.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t tell you. The case was too dangerous. How—how’d you end up in special victims?” Her face hardened at your question, the tears evident in her eyes.

“I asked for homicide. I wanted it to get justice for victims like _you_ , who’s killers were never found. I wanted to do everything I could to bring justice into your..death.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“How…how long have you been married?” God you could hear the shake in her voice, you absolutely hated yourself in that moment, feeling absolutely disgusting as you did everything you could to hold back your tears.

“Eight years…”

“EIGHT YEARS! What the fuck Amb—Y/N!” There it was, the rage you knew you had coming, the hurt you’d ended up causing coming bubbling up inside her. If Casey thought she was in shock when she first walked in the door, she was certain she was now. “Does he know?”

“Yes!” You could barely contain your tears by now, “We have this…deal if I’m undercover for longer than a year and outside the city.”

“Oh what? You get to make a whole relationship to go along with your fake life?”

“No, we each get like, one...free pass for the duration.”

“Free pass?!” Casey choked out, “A free pass was all I ever was to you!?”

“No!!” You scrambled to cover your tracks, trying to get the words out way in a way that properly explained how you felt, “I didn’t mean it like that. Casey, please! It was just supposed to be sex, stay casual but I fell for you, I didn’t mean to, but I did.”

“And the _entire_ time, I didn’t even know your real name, you were feeding me lies of this fake life! Do you get how completely fucked that is?!”

“I know! And I’m sorry, please believe me…” You begged, moving further into the room, attempting to reason with her.

“Nearly a year of my life and all you told me was a lie, why should I believe you now?!” The movement of your hand racing up to wipe away a tear brought her attention to your very bare neck, _‘I’ll never take it off’_ another lie…the sun was gone…just like hers. “Do you even have a brother?!” You shook your head, knowing if you spoke you wouldn’t be able to control your voice, “You’re that good of an actor? You seemed genuinely upset over the anniversary of his so called death.”

Fuck. 

You didn’t even want to admit the fact to her, wishing she hadn’t brought up the day, you took a shaking breath. As you looked up you realized she’d started actually crying now too, broken and distraught with emotions that you brought to the surface.

“I…I only had contact with my Sarge the entire op, I’d been under for over a year already. I _really_ missed Pete, when you asked… I slipped up…it was our wedding anniversary…” Casey felt the fire inside of her turn to absolute ice, feeling practically sick to her stomach.

“You’re fucking with me…” You gave a small shake of your head, “I told you I _loved_ you for the _first time_ that night.”

“I know. And I said it back! And I meant it! I loved you then and I love you now! That night, that night at the bar, I wanted you to leave ‘cause I knew the raid was coming, I didn’t want you to get hit in the crossfire, I was trying to _protect_ you!!”

“YOU _DESTROYED_ ME!!!”

“Casey, please! I love you, I fell in love with you and that’s not a lie.”

“Yeah well I fell in love with Amber, and she’s _fucking_ dead.” She was out the door before you could even think about attempting to go after her, whatever had brought her down to the precinct clearly didn’t matter to her anymore as she stormed out. 

As much as you wanted to run after her, chase her down, kiss her ’til you were breathless as you repeatedly told her how sorry you were, you knew you shouldn’t, she was pissed, rightfully so, and you’d give her space. You prayed that once she’d cooled down maybe you’d be able to talk things out, sort out this giant fucking mess. Dropping against the table, you tried to hold in your sobs, clearing your face of tears as your body shook with emotion. You were surprised when the next voice was Olivia’s, gentle and quiet, clearly the one she usually reserved for victims.

“You okay?” You glanced up at her, wiping away a fresh tear, turning slightly away from her as you fanned at your face.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry, that was…incredibly unprofessional. I’m sure your team doesn’t pull crap like that.”

“They don’t, they usually scream at each other in the middle of the bull pen in front of everybody.” You gave a huff of a laugh, shooting her a half smile, “I realized where I recognized you from…her phone background’s a picture of you.”

“What?” Your voice was breathless, sure, she’d probably have changed her opinions _now_ , but at least she’d held onto a piece of you like you’d held onto a piece of her.

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of your husband but—“

“It’s fine,” You waved her off, “He knows everything.”

“Hey…” Hailey cautious popped into the door frame, directing to Benson, “You okay if we maybe take lunch now? I’m sure this one could use a hefty glass of scotch.” You gave her a watery laugh as Olivia gave your shoulder a squeeze.

“Yeah, ‘course. Keep the liquid lunch minimal, we still need you in working form.”

*

Casey was thankful for the quick find of a small empty side street she could finally stop on, collapsing against the wall of the building. Whether it was the fight, the information, the walk or the fresh spring air, her head was clearer, she was finally able to straighten some wires. You were alive. You were alive and you were a cop, a cop from Chicago. Her eyes burned with the sight of your blood soaked shirt, she shook it out of her head, pulling the image of you in the precinct back into her brain. 

That was who you were, Detective Stone. Stone…fucking Stone. Married…to fucking Peter Stone. She realized she never asked if you still loved him, or if you were just keeping up appearances while you laid low because of the mafia case. She knew who he was, things slowly started to make sense as her brain reworked it’s way through your entire…whatever it was…

The way you’d asked for a credit card that first night at the bar, she never saw you take anyone else’s, you wanted her real name, a lawyer in a mafia bar? You were working an angle to make sure she wasn’t working with them, it made more sense as to how quick you were to call her out on her job, legitimately interested, but in an attempt to clear her name. You hadn’t seen much of the city because you were technically working two jobs, leading two lives. The baseball knowledge made so much more sense, as did the way you’d vehemently denied the need to go to a Cubs game that summer, there’s no doubt you’d be recognized if you were married to their previous star pitcher.

Even the pizza debacle made sense, you were from Chicago, deep dish was all you’d ever eat, the way you refused to go home for Christmas, you simply _couldn’t_. The way most of your social media accounts were barely used, the way you actively kept her out of your apartment. Even the way you’d been so confused at the sun necklace at Christmas, you’d been so wrapped up in the moment you’d forgotten you were supposed to be from Florida. 

Fuck, how did she not see this coming? She was worked in the goddamn legal field, she dealt with cops and detectives all the time. That day she caught you coming out of the precinct there was something so entirely different about the way you moved, you’d barely responded when she called your name, you were clearly working your case. That weird phone call you got a few days before New Year’s, the way you disappeared from her apartment for a few nights, the way a few of your essential items vanished from her apartment, you’d been called back, you were getting ready to go home. 

You said you loved her, that you still loved her, it was the last thing you told her, she was so confused, she didn’t know what to believe. There were so many moments between you that seemed genuine, she had noticed that it felt like you left your guard down whenever you were at her apartment, letting little bits of the real you through. 

As confused, hurt and angry as she was, husband or not, there was no possible way that she could deny she was still completely in love with you, and seeing you again simply confirmed that fact.


	11. Chapter 11

It was safe to say that the next couple of days were rather tense, the rest of the squad assumed it was the unfamiliarity of working with new people. Casey did her best to steer clear of the squad room unless she was absolutely needed, thankful that you were still working through patching up the case as a whole, connecting dots and unscrambling wires.

Once you started taking confessions and statements, when defence attorney’s were called, she found herself awkwardly stuck on the other side of the glass with Peter, either of them unable to say anything thanks to someone else always being around. The first two days she didn’t say anything to you unless it pertained to the case, and even then, it was snippy and annoyed, you didn’t show any emotion at it, simply took whatever she threw at you. 

Casey watched the way you worked, you kept it professional, the way you talked your way through laws and legal jargon so eloquently was so drastically different than the way you’d presented yourself at the bar. The ease at which you’d shoot ideas back and fourth with Hailey, the gentle banter you’d play with Peter before he’d admit you were right, that familiar smirk would take over your lips. There were little mannerisms that shone through, things she recognized instantly, the way you chewed on your straws, that little huff you’d give when you were annoyed. Your habit for playing with jewelry when you were thinking, you’d twist an earring, twirl your wedding ring, sometimes your hand would settle your your décolletage, fingers tracing the delicate skin as if you were playing with a necklace. 

She relaxed after a week, realizing that there were things that she knew about you, things that were the real you. Even if half of what you’d told her was a lie, you’d let pieces of your true self through to her, though you’d kept a very important part secret, and that still bothered her. It was hard for her to try and figure out exactly how she felt, especially with Peter being around. Not that you were overly affectionate, but there was a closeness, the way his hand would rest on the small of your back, the way yours would trail over his shoulder absentmindedly. There was a softness in his eyes that was reserved only for you, she could tell that he absolutely adored you.

A few days later the four of you found yourselves in her office, Casey was going over the extradition with Peter at her desk while you and Hailey settled into the table semi adjacent to it, filling out paperwork while you waited to go over your testimonies. Hailey’s elbow nudged into your ribs, when you met her with a confused face, her head tilted towards Casey’s desk. From the angle you were at you could see one of the mix tiles you’d given her, the shot of the two of you laughing on the Brooklyn Bridge. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the movement, realizing what was going on. Without even breaking eye contact with Peter she flipped it face down on the desk, resulting in an awkward grimace from Hailey. 

Over the next few hours the four of you fell into an easy rhythm working through the case, conversation flowed easily, the tension of the moment earlier vanished. The discussion moved off work and over into what lunch was going to be, Casey had tugged a couple of menus out of her desk, Hailey had asked her opinion between a couple of things and you were quick to speak without really thinking,

“Oh don’t trust her opinion, she thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie.” You teased.

“Die Hard _is_ a Christmas movie.” Peter shot back instantly, you gave him a baffled expression, “So is Iron Man 3.”

“Thank you!” Casey exclaimed, “That’s what I was trying to tell her.”

“How is Home Alone any more of a Christmas movie than those two?” Peter turned to you,

“It takes place at Christmas!”

“So does Die Hard!” It was practically in unison that Peter and Casey replied. Hailey gave a small chuckle from beside you, looking between the two lawyers,

“I’m starting to understand this now…” She muttered to you, and she was right. There were more than a few things they had in common, maybe that’s why it had been so easy for you to fall for Casey as quickly as you had. 

“Besides,” Peter started, “You think the Jim Carrey Grinch is the superior one.”

“What!?!” Casey actually met your eye for real this time, “That is a punishable offence.” She joked, a smile on her face for the first time since she’d walked into the precinct the first day. Peter’s phone interrupted the playfulness in the room, he answered it swiftly,

“Stone. Yeah..hang on a sec.” He tuned back to the room, “I’ve got to take this,” He gave your head a soft kiss before turning to leave the office, “Thanks Casey.” Work mode took back over in the office, but everything was a hell of a lot more comfortable after the little banter, maybe working through this trial wouldn’t be as horrible as you’d all thought it would be.

Hailey worked through her testimony first, and when she was done she asked if it was okay if she left. Casey said it was fine and finally that left just the two of you alone in her office. Your anxiety crept into your chest as you moved to the chair in front of her desk, but she didn’t treat you any different than she’d treated Hailey. It took about an hour to go through your testimony, she briefly went over your history of taking the stand, talking over what type of cases they were, what kind of crimes were committed. When it was finally wrapped up and she’d flipped her file shut, you spoke timidly.

“Can…we talk? Please?” She sighed lightly, having known this was coming, it had to happen, and it would probably help her if she knew more. Pulling a bottle of scotch and two glasses from her desk she poured it out, sliding one over to you. You took the gesture as a yes, calming yourself with a heavy breath before you spoke again. “I am really, incredibly and truly sorry. I just hope you know that.” 

“You keep saying that.”

“None of this is how I planned. I figured I’d call you once we got to the city, explain everything slowly over a drink instead of dropping it all onto you like an atomic bomb.” She took a sip of her drink, letting it settle her as she drank in your words. It certainly would have been easier to process if she’d found things out one at a time instead of in a matter of seconds in front of everyone.

“When we first met…were you digging into me to make sure I wasn’t working for them?”

“Honestly yes. But once I’d figured out you weren’t, and how drawn to you I was, I thought maybe I’d finally found a friend in the city. You were so open and welcoming it made me feel like a real person again. Then…you kissed me and I thought that you could…”

“Be your free pass.”

“Yeah…” You suddenly found swirling your scotch was much more interesting than anything else in the room.

“Do you always use your free pass?”

“No.” Swigging back some of the liquid you dared to meet her eyes again, “And there’s rules. It’s only when we’re not allowed to contact each other, the op has to be a certain length, stick with the same person, be safe, Pete can’t bring his back to the house.”

“Don’t fall in love with them…” Despite the heavy matter you could see the smirk over the rim of her glass.

“That would be the main one.” There was a small pause, both of you digesting the conversation, trying to figure out where to go next, what were the important details.

“He knew who I was the second I walked into the room. When did you tell him?” 

“As soon as I got home.” Casey was surprised at that, she’d figured you’d only mentioned it once you’d gotten the call from SVU, figuring you didn’t want to start a fight over it right as you got back after such a long op.

“And he’s…okay with it?”

“He’s…understanding of it. Helping me..grieve…I guess?”

“Do you love him?” It was barely above a whisper, you could see the tears brimming in her eyes, the glimmer of hope that you’d say no, or that you didn’t know.

“Yes.” You fiddled with the sleeve of your shirt, anxiousness getting the best of you, shoving your sleeves up, “I still love you…” Letting out a groan of frustration you dropped your head into your hands, elbows on her desk. You jolted at the feeling of Casey’s hand gently turning your arm slightly, feeling your face flush at her touch, she examined the mark on the inside of your wrist.

“A sun?” She felt a wave of a complete different emotion washing over her now.

“I—uh yeah. I got into a scuffle chasing a perp, the necklace got ripped off, but I didn’t notice ’til we were back at the squad room. I was so upset about it, Hailey suggested the tattoo…can’t break or lose that.” You gave her a soft smile, “I told you I’d never take it off..”

“Oh sunshine…” You swooned at the use of the pet name she’d given you, her hand didn’t leave your wrist as she swiftly moved around the desk, pulling you up out of the chair and into her arms. 

The hug was soft, it was tight, full of the unspoken words you hadn’t said, Casey never thought she’d have you in her arms again. She tugged you against her, relishing in the way you buried into her neck, arms wrapped completely around her. You hummed at the feeling of her hand cupping the back of your head, fingers tangling into your hair, inhaling the scent of her perfume wafting off her skin. Both of you shed a few tears, the feeling of being back in each others arms even more overwhelming than you’d expected. You pulled away ever so slightly, teary eyes meeting hers, a hand raised to her cheek, your lips tentatively meeting hers.

“We really shouldn’t….” Her words were a breath against your mouth, eyes fluttering shut, despite the statement her lips still pressed a gentle and intimate kiss back against you.

“I know…” It was slow, delicate, as if you were memorizing everything about each other you could, reliving all of those happy memories from less complicated times. She pulled away, leaving a light kiss on your forehead, “I should go…” You murmured, trying to control your tears.

“Where do we go from here?” You simply shrugged, unable to find the words, unable to even have the slightest clue of what to tell her. Teary eyed you quickly gathered your things, giving her a small smile before you left the office.


	12. Chapter 12

Unsurprisingly you found Peter in the hotel bar when you got back, sliding the files Casey had photocopied over to him.

“Hey.” You greeted softly, “Sorry that took so long.” He glanced up at you, brow slightly cocked.

“I’ll say, Upton got back almost two hours ago.”

“I know…we got distracted.”

“Did you…?”

“No!” Your heart jumped at that, “I’m so sorry Pete. We were trying to talk things through, she saw the tattoo, a hug turned into a kiss..”

“I can tell.” He smirked. Your brows furrowed at his comment until his thumb reached out, swiping at the side of your lips, “You don’t wear lipstick.” He wiped the smear off on a napkin. You sighed heavily, dropping your head onto his shoulder.

“It was unexpected, I didn’t exactly plan it, it just…kinda happened.”

“I know.” Peter wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, kissing your cheek softly. “But I would appreciate if it doesn’t happen again.”

“It won’t. I promise.” You stroked at his cheek, “You know I love you, right?”

“Always.” His lips met your forehead gently, “And I love you even more than you could ever imagine, even your imperfections. This whole situation is complicated, it’s messy. You didn’t think you’d ever see her again, you were doing a decent job at getting over her and then the universe threw you back into each other’s worlds. And for her, it was with zero warnings.”

“Yeah,” You snorted, “I can’t even think of how that would feel.”

“Well she did give you quite the earful.”

“It was well deserved.”

“Did she forgive you today?”

“Not exactly. I mean, there’s still a lot for her to process, I’m not sure she really trusts me, she knows I still love you, it’s a lot to unwrap.”

“Well, my love..” He kissed your cheek, “It’s not healthy to keep us both stringing along, it’s not fair to you or either of us.” Sighing, you stole a swig of his drink.

“I know…and I’m sorry for that.”

“I just want to know if your heart is going to come back to Chicago, or if I’m going to be living with a shell of the woman I love. Because I don’t know if I can handle that.” Tears brimmed in your eyes, not that you were upset at having to make a choice, you were upset because you knew you were hurting Peter. He’d been your absolute rock for so long, you’d supported and cared for each other through so many struggles. The thought of walking away from all of that was terrifying to you, but then again, the thought of Casey no longer being a part of your life was something you didn’t really want either. Sighing, you leaned against his shoulder, accepting the gentle embrace.

“I think it’s time we take the free pass system off the table.” He chuckled at that,

“I’d say it is.”

“If Voight sends me under again I’m refusing unless I’m allowed contact with you.”

“Good luck with that.” Softly, you pulled away, kissing his cheek gently.

“I—uh, I’m gonna stay with Hailey tonight…” Peter’s face was one of confusion at your comment, “You just gave me an ultimatum and I need to…sleep on it.” 

“Okay.” He kissed you lightly as you mumbled a quiet ‘I love you’ against his lips. “I know where to find you if I need you.” Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, you left the bar, heading up to meet Hailey.

**  
Casey heard the sound of the batting cage beside hers opening, her head glancing up between shots, giving out a small huff of a laugh she spoke, 

“Well this is sufficiently awkward.”

“Casey?” Peter couldn’t help the laugh, “Shoulda known. I can leave—“

“It’s fine. Besides,” She took a swing, “Think I can safely say I know how you feel…”

“Nice hit.”

“Thanks.” She huffed out at the next swing, thankful to have the distraction of batting to defer her eye line from the man married to the woman she’d fallen in love with. “Hey, I really feel like I owe you an apology. If I’d known she was married I never—“

“Thank you, but you don’t.” Peter took his first swing, “When she’s undercover, it’s a different life, a different person, especially when she’s so far from home. It just…got pretty messy this time.”

“I’ll say…”

“You called her Amber, that’s the Florida backstory, right?”

“Yeah.” Another hit, “She really had me goin’ with the whole dead brother thing.”

“She’s almost too good at what she does, be happy you didn’t get the Seattle back story, they gave her a dead kid in that one.” Casey faltered slightly at her next thought, panic coursing through her, nearly missing her next hit.

“Oh God…do you guys have kids?!” 

“No.” Peter nearly laughed at the level of worry in her voice, “Figured with the job and all it wasn’t exactly ideal, especially in Intelligence.” She felt relief wash over her, potentially destroying a marriage was one thing, but tearing a family apart, especially one in different cities, there would’ve been no way she could’ve handled that.

“I hear Intelligence can be a…handful?” Peter snorted, taking another shot,

“Voight once pulled a knife against a perp’s face and threatened to cut is ear off after the guy had lawyered up.”

“Jesus Christ…” Another ping echoed through the space, “And I thought SVU was bad.” A moment of somewhat awkward, somehow comfortable silence filled the space, the ping of the baseballs the only sound before Peter spoke again.

“Y’know, she really does feel terrible about this, and she does really care about you.”

“I kinda feel like an idiot.” Casey sighed heavily, transferring the feelings into a powerful swing.

“I mean, I don’t blame you for falling for her. I told her I loved her on the second date, asked her to marry me six months in.”

“There certainly is something about her…”

“Hey! Case!” A voice called out, she stepped away from the swinging area, attention on the employee, “Your phone’s been going off, same caller, figured it might be important.”

“Thanks.” She called back, giving Peter a quick nod, “Guess it’s time for me to go.” He watched her leave the caged in area, unable to get rid of the feeling in his gut.

“Casey!” He called out, she turned, retreating back to the metal fence, “If you love her, and you want to be with her, let her know. She’s making a choice, I told her to do it by the end of the trial.”

“I—what?”

“If she wants me to walk away, I will without fuss.” Casey felt her heart nearly break at the selflessness of the admission, 

“You really love her, don’t you?”

“I do. More importantly, I want her to be happy, and cared for. And if that happens to be with you, so be it.” She could see the slightest shimmer of tears in his eyes, “But…two things.”

“Okay?”

“I don’t condone _anything_ happening between you until she’s made her choice, and if I let her go…and I find out you’ve ended up hurting her, I’ll be livid.” Peter really did love you more than anything else in the world, while he somewhat understood what you were going through, he also knew the chance of losing you was up there. He knew it would break him, to have you say you were staying in New York, to say that as much as you loved him, you loved her more, after all, you’d built a life together. But he was willing to make that break if it meant you would be the happiest you could be, even if it wasn’t with him.

“Understood.”


	13. Chapter 13

When you’d knocked on Hailey’s door, she’d obviously immediately let you, figuring you were there to just hangout. It was only after a few hours of mindless television accompanied by the greasiest room service you could find that she spoke.

“Did you sleep with her?”

“What?” Your head rolled to face her, “No!”

“Mkay.” She shrugged, “I just figured if you were sleeping here that you guys were fighting, or that he was mad at you.”

“No..” You gave a weary sigh, “Pete just..gave me an ultimatum.”

“And?” 

“He’s worried about going back home and me not being able to get over her. He doesn’t think he can deal with it.”

“Please. He would put up with a world war if it meant being with you.” She rolled her eyes, “Your marriage is sickly cute.” 

“Yeah well, I don’t wanna put him through that…” Hailey gave a brief sigh, jumping off the bed, headed to the mini fridge.

“Fuck this. City’s paying for it anyways.” She tugged a handful of the tiny bottles from the mini bar out of the fridge, tossing you a few as she climbed back on the bed, “Let’s just, drink it away for tonight?” You laughed, dumping one into the can of sprite you had.

“What would you do?”

“If I was you?” You nodded, “To be honest, I’d definitely fuck her.”

“Hailey!”

“I mean it! Bring back some memories, give it a little last time if that’s where you want to go. Then…compare and examine…”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Hey, don’t get me wrong, I love your relationship with Peter, but….this whole little gay sidebar thing, I am here for it.” 

“I promised Pete I wouldn’t do anything else with her this trip.”

“Anything _else?”_

“We…we kissed earlier…” You took a hefty swig of your drink, not quite ready to deal with the situation at hand.

“He mad about that?”

“Wasn’t exactly happy…” You gave a frustrated groan, “I just need to not think about it for the rest of the night. I’ll deal with it tomorrow, try and figure things out.”

“Okay.” She replied, tossing a bottle of gin over to your bed, “Let’s get drunk and forget the bullshit then.”

“Thank you.” You gave her a brief smile, you were so incredibly thankful that your partner was one of your best friends, she understood you in a way the rest of the squad didn’t. She had your back no matter what, and was always blunt and to the point with you where others would usually beat around the bush. You ended up spending a couple of nights in her hotel room while your brain attempted to figure out the situation. Though you were still loving and affectionate towards Peter, you still shared little moments, you just knew if you buried yourself in his arms at night, you’d be a sucker for him, and you needed some amount of clarity right now. Casey and you had a few more talks, trying to work through your emotions, an attempt for her to fully get to know the real you throughout the process of working the trial. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

**

The trial ended up wrapping before you’d thought, enough deals were made, and there were enough witness testimonies to bury every perp possible. Hailey was down at the tombs with the two perps you needed to extradite back to Chicago while you finished up watching the trial. You’d been quick to promise a couple of victims that you’d be there for them no matter what, not surprised at their emotions over the guilty verdicts. You spent a few minutes talking to them as you left the courtroom, bidding them farewell, happy that they found the justice they needed. Halfway down the stairs you fell into pace with Casey, a smile on your face as you greeted her,

“You really crushed it in there y’know.”

“Thanks.” She smiled back, “You’re probably the best detective I’ve ever had take the stand.”

“Been under enough I’d hope I’d be good at it by now.” You half laughed, feet meeting the sidewalk at the bottom of the stairs. There was a brief pause as you turned towards each other, you could both feel the tears fighting their way into your eyes. You couldn’t resist the urge to wrap your arms around her neck, pulling her into a deep hug, sighing at the relief of her body against yours, “Thank you…for being so patient…for everything. Know that I love you Casey.”

“But you love him more.” She pulled away slightly, hand briefly caressing your cheek, “Y/N, you made the right choice. He loves you so unconditionally I can barely believe it. I could never love you like that. I don’t know if I could actually ever fully forgive you for everything that happened, if I could ever fully trust you again, but he understands, so please, love him with all of your heart. Forget about me.”

“I don’t know if I could ever forget you…but…I hope to finally get over you? Friends?” She gave you a soft smile, begging the tears in her eyes to not fall.

“Friends.” She pulled you into a gentle hug.

“If…if you’re ever in Chicago?” You tugged a business card from your pocket, handing it to her. Casey appreciated the sentiment, knowing that you were leaving the control in her hands. You didn’t have her phone number anymore, you were meant to be with your husband, and you wanted to make that continue to work, but you didn’t want her to completely vanish out of her life.

“I’ll know where to find you.” She gave your hand a soft squeeze, her head nodding further down the street, “He’s waiting, you should go.”

“Thank you…for everything…” You felt her fingertips slide down to your wrist, squeezing against the sun tattoo, the look in her eye all you needed to know it was time to go. You gave a shaky sigh as you turned, thankfully able to keep the tears inside as you moved over to Peter, interlocking your fingers with his. He softly kissed the side of your head, giving Casey a gentle nod as you each turned on your separate ways.

Everyone’s path in life seemed to have one that was absolutely made for them, and once you started to throw in made up storylines, fake people, things always seemed to throw off the balance of the universe. They brought people into your life who you never would have crossed paths with otherwise, sometimes it was absolutely devastating and painful, sometimes it brightened your life like no tomorrow. Casey had been your little escape in the dark world of being undercover, something familiar that you were used to. You had been her escape from the legal world, her little ray of sunshine amongst the dreariness. You’d been each other’s way to escape the bleak lives that you lived every day.

It took a while, but you and Casey slowly got over each other, you deleted the messages, any photos that you deemed romantic, she got rid of everything you left in her apartment. She slowly started to branch out, eventually seeing someone, meanwhile you were more than happy with Peter, his whole reaction to everything you’d gone through was simply incredible. You thanked him for being so understanding, for being so incredible, and he was quick to remind you just how much he loved you, how scared he was to let you go. A few months into your life back in Chicago you admitted you could never imagine a life without him, as much as you had loved Casey, he was always your number one. Thankfully, she was more than happy in her own little bubble in New York, her life moving on in a way she barely remembered your time together, until of course, her eyes fell to the sun tattoo she’d gotten on her wrist.


	14. Chapter 14

Casey’s head was buried in her phone as she trudged her way to the elevator in the courthouse, her homicide case wasn’t looking great and she was a little more than downtrodden with how much extra work she was about to have to do. She was so distracted with the email from the detectives that she didn’t notice the solo person company she had in the elevator until he spoke, a nearly surprised tone in his voice.

“Casey?” Her head shot up, a bit taken a back by the view beside her.

“Peter?” She found her voice hesitant, it had been nearly five years since the whole Chicago debacle, she hadn’t called, you’d all been living your own individual lives. But unexpectedly running into the husband of someone she had once loved wasn’t something she expected. “I…what are you doing in New York?”

“Started out as a trip for my father’s funeral.”

“I’m sorry.” Casey’s voice was soft, her eyes cast down, Peter nearly chuckled.

“Thanks. Things were….complicated.” He gave a heavy sigh, “Now McCoy keeps trying to poach me.”

“Looks like it worked.” She smirked, wondering if that meant the two of you were moving to New York, if that meant you would be able to be friends after all this time. 

“Only temporarily.” He replied, “Jack somehow managed to convince me into prosecuting the Barba case.”

“Oh Jesus….” Casey’s heart clenched, knowing just how tough that case was, how morals began to come into play. It definitely wasn’t a black and white case.

“I didn’t really want to take it, but why not distract myself in New York for a while? My second chair’s holding down the fort just fine in Chicago.”

“Is…” Casey hesitated, Peter’s wording concerning her, eyes shooting down to confirm he was still wearing his ring. “Is Y/N here?” She asked softly, not that she needed to see you, but knowing you were in the same city, after all this time, maybe, just maybe you could grab a coffee, catch up. Peter gave a weary sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“Technically yes…but she’s here undercover.” He shot a glance over to her, “I haven’t spoken to her in months. She’s working with the Sinaloa Cartel, so if you see her don’t blow her cover.”

“Understood.” She gave him a small smile, “She always take such dangerous cases?” Peter couldn’t help the laugh, 

“Like it’s her goddamn specialty.” 

“You ever worry about her?”

“Every single day.” Casey frowned at the weary sigh he let out, “Thankfully Voight keeps me updated whenever he can.” He glanced across at her, warm smile on his face, “As of yesterday she was safe and fiesty as ever, giving Voight shit for not sending more resources or something.”

Despite the potential for everything to be super awkward, enough time had passed, the feeling and conversation between the two lawyers was friendly and amicable, a sense of laughter and camaraderie echoing through the elevator as it hit the ground floor. When the doors opened Peter turned to Casey, a business card extended in his hand.

“I know you’re probably busy, but if you feel like hitting the cages?”

“Really?” She cocked a brow, a small grin on her lips.

“Yeah.” He gave a soft huff, “I only know two people in this city, and I don’t even know how to contact one of them…Plus, SVU isn’t exactly the best at giving out a warm welcome.” Casey gave a soft chuckle at that,

“They really don’t easily accept change around there.” She gave Peter a soft smile, “I’ll let ya know. And Peter….tell Y/N I say Hi whenever you see her.” Peter gave her a warm smile, knowing whatever negative history between them was gone from the time spent in their own cities, a quick nod as the two lawyers made their opposite ways through the New York streets.

“Casey!” He called right before they turned away, she turned back, a quizzical look on her face, “Nice tattoo.” He smirked, noticing the sun etched on her wrist. Casey flushed, trying to stumble over her response, feeling somewhat relaxed at the sly grin on his face, knowing that it was completely okay.

**

A couple of weeks had passed since Peter and Casey had (unbeknownst to you) run into each other. You’d spent the week doing a million things you wished you hadn’t had to do, more than thankful that your burner hadn’t rung today, letting you finally have a day “off”. You slept as long as you could, wishing you were in the comfort of your actual bed, hating the stiffness of the cold New York apartment. Eventually, you couldn’t deal with the sun blinding you through the curtains anymore, practically grumbling as you rolled out of bed, tugging on some yoga pants and a loose tank top, pulling your hair into a top knot.

It didn’t take long for you to be guzzling back a cup of coffee, munching on some toast while you mindlessly stared at the tv, keeping an eye on the noon news. Double checking your burner, you dared to glance over to your go bag, knowing your actual phone was inside, though turned off to make sure it couldn’t be tracked. You hated not having contact with anyone from your real life during these ops, not being able to mindlessly scroll through your social media accounts. Not to mention this case was hazardous enough that you didn’t want to try to make any new friends in the city, god forbid someone you met along the way get wrapped up in Cartel business just because they knew you. 

Halfway through the afternoon you were in the kitchen heating up some leftover pizza from the night before (slightly appalled that you could only find NY style pies at 4am) when there was a knocking at your door. You nearly jumped, hand immediately grabbing the gun that was hidden under the counter, the other one quickly pausing the microwave to silence the noise. Making your way cautiously towards the door you cocked the gun, slowly sliding the chain off before unlocking the door, whipping it open, gun at the ready at your side.

“What the fuck?!” Your second hand fell from the gun, your brain scrambling to figure out exactly how Casey was standing in front of you. Your hand wrapped around her arm, forcefully pulling her into the apartment, slamming and locking the door behind her. “What are you doing here!? You can’t be here!”

“I need to talk to you.” She replied, a serious expression on her face. You felt your brows furrow, how did she even know you were in New York, what could she possibly need to talk to you about after five years of absolutely nothing?

“About what? How did you even find me?” 

“Voight gave up your location.” You faltered at that, even more confused than before. Placing the gun down on the kitchen bar you ran a hand over your face, sighing heavily.

“Hank wouldn’t even give up my burner number to Pete, what the fuck is going on? Casey, I’m working with the goddamn Cartel, you cannot be seen with me!” She couldn’t help her face falling, not quite knowing what to say.

“I—“ She was instantly cut off by the blaring of your burner going off. This time you actually jumped, hand instinctively flying towards your gun before realizing what was going on.

“Don’t fucking say a word.” You shot a glare to Casey, picking up the phone. “Hello?”

“Kid, we need to get you out of there, now!” Hanks voice rung through the receiver.

“What? Why?” You shot back, “Hank, no, I’ve got this.”

“Y/N. They know you’re a cop.” You felt your heart nearly stop, your body freezing, “I need you back in Chicago before they can get to you.”

“What? How would they even—“ You cut yourself off, looking up at Casey, terror written across your face. You didn’t even bother to finish the conversation with Hank, hanging up the phone as you looked at Casey, your voice coming out in choked cries, “Oh God…you…you’re homicide now...” A hand shot to your mouth, “Please don’t tell me you need me to make an ID?” Casey shot forward, her hand grasping at your free one, realizing the thoughts racing through your head.

“No! It’s not that…he’s at Mercy.” You glanced up, tears brimming in your eyes, “Homicide caught the case, paramedics managed to resuscitate him on the way to the hospital.” 

“Oh my God…” You muttered, not able to help the sob escaping your lips as your arms curled around your body, “This is all my fault.”

“Hey..hey..” Casey moved further into the apartment, a reassuring yet hesitant arm wrapping around you, “This has nothing to do with you.” You looked up, tears in your eyes, 

“Case…it has everything to do with me.” You sniffled, trying to control you cries, wiping at your eyes with your sleeve. Casey waited for you to take a deep breath, meeting her eye, “The Cartel had a few cases moving through court these past few weeks, I…was in the gallery for..support I guess. I..I ran into Peter in the elevator.” You took a shaky breath, “It’d been months, we hadn’t spoken…I..I managed..” You glanced up at her, sorrow evident in your eyes, “I managed to convince him to head back to his office..” You flushed, “Someone from the Cartel must have seen. What would one of their drug mules be doing with an established ADA, all it takes is one quick search of his name to know who I really am. Fuck! How could I be so stupid?!” You brushed the tears off your face, taking a moment to attempt to calm yourself, an attempt to hold back whatever tears were threatening to spill.

“Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Yeah, hopefully not ones that kill their husbands…” You sniffled, nearly laughing, “God I’m nearly surprised it took this long…” Casey squeezed your shoulder softly, a reassuring look on her face.

“Did you want to come to Mercy with me, or is your Sarge making you come home right away?”

“Screw Voight, I need to see Peter.” You reached out, locking your gun, tucking it into you go bag, tossing the burner phone in the garbage disposal.

“I can drive?” Casey offered, softness on her face.

“No.” You muttered, “I’ve got a rental, it’s untraceable to me, I’ll follow you. Plus…Voight will have my head if I’m not on my flight home.” The two of you paused for a moment, a slight tension filling the room before Casey made the move, pulling you into her arms in a warm hug.

“I’m so sorry.” She murmured, “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

“I hope so.” You pulled away, your eyes softly meeting hers, a grim smile on both of your cheeks before you grabbed what you needed from the apartment before heading down to the parking garage. 

You “burner” car was some shitty ’94 Toyota, the only one the Cartel knew about. You had one unknown to them, a rental SUV that you’d managed to keep some of your personal belongings in, more importantly, a couple guns from Intelligence stashed in the back seat. 

You quickly swerved out of the garage, spotting Casey’s car with ease, beginning to follow her down to Mercy Hospital. Thankfully Casey not only knew her way through the streets of New York, but was an able guide to keep your car right behind hers, you were less than three blocks away from Mercy when you were approaching an intersection. 

The light was green, you were half paying attention, focussed on making sure you didn’t lose Casey when the SUV plowed through the intersection at much too high a speed. You heard the shriek leave your lips as it collided with Casey’s car, causing her car to flip, multiple times against the concrete. You barely had time to swerve your own vehicle, avoiding the oncoming traffic and avoiding crushing Casey’s car. You instantly recognized the SUV’s as part of the cartel, the men and guns revealing themselves as they realized that you were actually in the car behind. 

You didn’t hesitate, your arm flying into the backseat, grabbing one of the assault rifles Antonio had stashed there for you, cocking it, ready to take on anything. As you jumped out of the driver’s door, you felt a force shove you against the car, your head nearly ricocheting off it before you fired off your first couple of shots.

The fire frenzy didn’t last long, your skill and anger taking out everyone who’d targeted you before you raced to Casey’s car, cell in your hand as you yelled for an ambo. You’d been to enough scenes alongside Sylvie you knew things weren’t looking good, the amount of blood leaking from her body making you weak.

“Casey…Casey! Stay with me baby…” You shoved the broken glass of the driver’s window away, your fingers on her neck, praying to feel a pulse. A heavy breath let out when you could feel one, it was weak, but it was there. You did your best to try an find the major bleeders, not having much success as you were shoved through the window on your stomach, Casey, unconscious and upside down.

Before you could even realize how much time had gone by, you were being tugged out of the upside down car by a paramedic. You were begging to ride along with Casey, feeling so fucking guilty that this was all your fault. You didn’t even feel the pain in your shoulder until someone finally got your attention, mentioning that you’d been shot. That was what that pain was? Suddenly it hurt one hell of a lot more than those rubber bullets you’d been hit with in the past. Very reluctantly you let yourself be lead to your own ambulance, eyes not leaving the scene of the crash until it drove away.

**  
Thankfully, your bullet wound ended up being a quick fix in a trauma room, a quick extradition and a few stitches and a load of pain killers before you were allowed to retreat back to the waiting room. You’d mentioned to the nurse that you were waiting on multiple cases, bringing up both of their names and she reassured you someone would come find you the moment they knew something more. 

You were slightly surprised when Olivia Benson showed up in the E.R., settling into the chair beside you, asking you if you were doing okay. You had to admit, she was someone that was very good at speaking softly, dealing the victims despite wanting to stay strong, you were quick to accept the arm thrown around you. The reassuring hand rubbing up your arm, you did your best to hold back your tears, murmuring a small thank you to the Captain. 

You weren’t sure how many hours it had been, you’d been doing your best to not focus on it. A nurse you didn’t recognize stepped in front of you,

“Detective Stone?” Her voice was hesitant, your head shot up, eyes glassy with tears. Heart racing in your chest as you replied.

“Yes?” Your voice shook, unable to control your emotion.

“Your husband’s awake.” You let out the heaviest breath you ever had, a shaking sob wracking your body.

“Oh thank God.” You muttered, feeling the soft squeeze of Olivia’s hand on yours, the knowing glance you got from her that she’d update you on the other situation. The nurse gave you a soft nod, you took a heavy breath, standing from the uncomfortable plastic chair, following her down a few hallways.

It was with a heavy heart you moved into Peter’s room, feeling the tears burning into your eyes once again at the sight of him in a hospital bed. His eyes opened at the sound of movement in the room, a slightly dopey smile on his face thanks to the pain pills.

“Sweetheart…what’re you doing here?” He spoke. You nearly choked over your sobs, racing to his bedside.

“They found out.” You dropped down, half leaning on the bed beside him, “I’m so sorry, this is all my fault, they never would have gone after you if I hadn’t—“

“Hey…hey..” His hand came up to cup your cheek, “There’s always a chance of something like this happening. It’s something both of us agree to everytime you go under.” You took a shuddering breath, ever so thankful that he was safe, but your brain still stuck on knowing if Casey would live.

“You could’ve died…” You hesitated, “And this time you weren’t the only one..I could be responsible for someone’s death..” You choked over a sob, thankful for the feeling of Peter’s arm wrapping tightly around you.

“What’re you talking about?” Peter’s brows furrowed, looking up at you with concern on his face. You took a deep breath.

“Homicide caught your case…”

“Casey?” He breathed out.

“She was in the car in front of me, I didn’t see them coming..they thought I was in the passenger seat..she might die..because of me.” You couldn’t hold it back anymore, tears escaping your eyes, doing your best to control your sobs as you buried yourself into Peter’s chest. You couldn’t understand your brain, you were so incredibly thankful that the love of your life was safe, was alive and sitting next to you, but the guilt of you being the reason someone was dead, someone who had nothing to do with the case earlier, would eat you alive for the rest of your life.

“Oh sweetheart.” Peter kissed your head softly, arm tugging you tightly to him, “This isn’t your fault.” 

You didn’t reply, simply burying yourself into his arms, attempting to come to terms with the fact that your job could have put two people in the hospital in one night. You weren’t quite sure when it happened, but the warmth of Peter’s arms finally around you after so long lulled you into a sleep that you’d been long awaiting. 

It was a few hours later when you felt a nudge against you, at first you grumbled against Peter, trying to bury further into his arms. Peter gently grasped your chin, turning your eyes to his, shaking you from your slumber, gesturing towards the doorway where a doctor stood.

“Detective?” They spoke softly, “I was told you needed updates on Casey Novak?”

“Yes…” Your voice shook with hesitancy, “Is…is she okay?” You didn’t know why you bothered to ask, you recognized the look on their face, the look that was supposed to be gentle acceptance but was really one of sorrow and guilt.

“I’m so sorry..” They began, “We did everything we could, she’s lost too much blood…She’s gone. I’m sorry.” 

You felt Peter’s arm tighten around your hip, knowing that you must be in pain, knowing that despite it being five years you still cared, even if it wasn’t romantically anymore. Not to mention the guilt, Casey wouldn’t have been in the car if your case hadn’t come up. You collapsed against Peter, sobs breaking free of your lips, apologies muttered against him as you reminded him how sorry you were, how she was a friend, and naturally, as Peter always did, he understood. 

It was a few hours later that you’d finally calmed down, nearly asleep against Peter, your hand stroking against him as he played with your hair. It was then that Voight unexpectedly showed up at the hospital room door, explaining that you needed to get home before the Cartel got to you. It was only when Hank said Peter would be air lifted back to Chicago to continue his care that you agreed to go.

**  
This time, being back in Chicago was worse than normal, was different than normal, not only were you on edge because of the Cartel, but you hadn’t escaped on a blank slate. Not that that was what you were concerned with. You kept up on the New York Times for a few weeks after you’d moved back, keeping an eye for Casey’s obituary, keeping an eye on the news in the other city. Two weeks into being back you found yourself in Voight’s office,

“You shouldn’t be here.” Hank smirked, knowing how eager you were always were to get back to work.

“You don’t know why I’m here..” Reluctantly you held up the folded piece of paper to your boss. Hank looked at it, then up at you,

“Kid, you can’t be serious.” You dropped the paper on his desk, sighing heavily.

“I can’t do this anymore Hank. It’s too much. Intelligence is too much, the uc ops keep me away from my marriage. I can’t be responsible for people getting murdered, especially people I care about.” Hank sighed heavily at the near sob escaping your lips.

“How about this?” He questioned, giving your hand a squeeze, “I don’t wanna lose you as part of our team. So, you take the rest of your med leave, we can figure out something for you to cover Peter’s medical leave, and you’ve got more than few vacation days racked up.” Hank moved from the desk, pulling you into a hug, “You’ve been through a lot these past couple of weeks. You can pull a leave of absence if you really need to, but kid, you belong in Intelligence.” 

“Do I?” Your voice wavered, looking your boss in the eye.

“You’re one of the best we have.” He reassured you with a shoulder squeeze, “I’ll make sure you keep clear of undercover ops for a while?”

“Thanks.” You murmured, giving him a soft smile before you left the precinct.  
Adjusting to life back home was more difficult that you’d thought, thankfully you were off work, able to care for Peter as he was discharged from the hospital. His injuries weren’t too complicated and it wasn’t long before he was back to work while you remained on your leave of absence, trying to figure things out. You and Peter were quick to console in each other, finding solace in each other’s arms each night, the love hopefully distracting you from the other dramatics.

Things had finally started to go back to normal, you’d been working the desk alongside Trudy, not wanting to go back into the field quite yet. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon when the doorbell rang, you answered, signing for the flowers before you moved into the living room, Peter in the adjoining kitchen.

“You know..you didn’t have to waste money on delivery, Pete..” You called, placing them in a vase on the coffee table, giving them a soft fluff.

“What?” Peter emerged in the doorway, brows furrowed at your words. You moved towards him, wrapping your arms around him, kissing his cheek.

“Thank you.”

“Sweetheart…I would say you’re welcome but..those aren’t from me.” You pulled away, brows furrowing, 

“What’d’you mean? There’s no card,” You asked. Peter walked towards the vase, fingering one of the flowers, “Who else would they be from?” 

“They’re sunflowers my love.”

“Okay..and?” You raised you brow to him, not understanding where he was going with this. You were surprised when Peter stepped toward you, his hand gently encircling your wrist, thumb and forefinger circling at your tattoo, raising your wrist to your eyeline.

“Sun…flowers…” It was then that your brain finally made the connection, your shocked face shooting up to Peter’s.

“Oh my God..” You could barely choke out the words, “She..she’s alive!” Peter held you close, a hand stroking your hair softly, lips meeing your head.

“She must be.” He murmured, “Probably witness protection. Who else would send you sunflowers?”


End file.
